I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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