Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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