I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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