the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
