He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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