Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
