she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
