there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
