While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize