You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
