I CAN MOONWALK!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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