If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
