Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize