were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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