Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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