I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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