OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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