dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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