I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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