She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
