k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
