Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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