Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize