i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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