the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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