is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize