Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
