Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize