he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
