I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
