Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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