dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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