i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize