Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
