Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
