I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
