Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize