Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
