what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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