This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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