her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
