Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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