Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
