so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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