Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
