margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
