YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
