Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
