i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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