There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
