I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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