Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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