I skipped work to stalk him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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