the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
