When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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