I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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