She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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