Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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