I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
