dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize