whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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