drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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