Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We got so high we made milksteak
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
