Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize