i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
