My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
