can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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