so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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