We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize