If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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