New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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