he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Girls should come with a carfax report
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
