Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
