You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
