I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize