You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
