i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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