I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
