Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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