There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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