I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
