Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
