Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
