i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
