The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
