I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
