After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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