At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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