Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
