i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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