I think my fart just growled at me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
