ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
