I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
