You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
