don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
