today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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