if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
