I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
