just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
