apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
