Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize